The “War” on Christmas

First off, if you didn’t see Jon Stewart last night, you should. I couldn’t stop laughing.

Second, will this tired argument ever go away? Look kiddies, there is no “war on Christmas”. Stop making shit up so you can pretend your majority group is being oppressed. As an Atheist who grew up Catholic, I still celebrate the Winter in my house. And funny enough, I am the one who gets told I’m not “allowed” to celebrate. But that all aside since I could give two shits what my evangelical distant relatives think of whose “permission” I need to celebrate something they think they copyrighted.

Christians are December Hipsters. They seem to think that this Jesus fellow invented the holiday and patented it. If there isn’t a church telling you how to erect a manger scene or when you’re supposed to put in the baby Jesus, there’s another church telling you that lights and tinsel are heathen decorations. It seems every Christian church out there has their own way of celebrating and their own stubborn way of insisting everyone else do it “the right way” too. You guys are sucking all the fun out of the holiday which, if I remember correctly from childhood, was SUPPOSED to be about love, family, friends and celebrating Jesus. The only thing that changed for me was the supernatural aspect.

So, here’s a quick history lesson for all the Christ-hipsters out there who insist on declaring ownership rights and first dibs on December celebrations.
1. According to science, math, historical calculations and most theists with a degree in religious history nowadays: Jesus wasn’t BORN in December. He was most likely born around April. So for all you belly aching about not putting Jesus in the manger setup until December 25th, stfu please. Besides, that whole manger story isn’t even IN the Bible. Most of that tale, along with the drummer boy and Frosty and Rudolph. is based on children’s stories and Christmas carols that you’ve been singing so long you forgot who wrote them.
2. Celebrating the change in seasons isn’t something Christians invented. The real reason Christmas (along with Hannukah, Boxing Day, and various Feasts and saints days etc) is celebrated around the Solstice is BECAUSE it’s the Winter Solstice. And we’ve been celebrating that little astrological change as long as we had stargazing ancestors. It’s also the reason that unless you truly live in a vacuum of only Christian friends and family and neighbors, that the polite greeting to strangers this season is “Happy Holidays”. Forcing other crap on them is as dumb as wishing random people “Happy Birthday” and hoping you get it right.
3. I know every religion past, present and future wants to pretend it’s the main course and everything before it was just an appetizer, but you’re not. Fact is, human beings have always imagined gods and godesses to replace their gaps in knowledge. Whether it was the origin of life or lightning. And as those people gain knowledge, they lose the need for supernatural explanations. So as the religions changed and the cultures changed and people began dominating one another and taking over sections of land, they started adapting old religions and gods into their own. I know some of you hate the term “evolution” but that’s what it is. Your religion, like your DNA, is just a product of thousands of years of evolutionary change. Christmas has nothing to do with Jesus. He isn’t “the reason for the season”. He is, more accurately, the excuse for the hijacking of preexisting celebrations in previously non-Christian nations.

Finally, as a side note to Bill O’Reilly, you’re adorable sweetie. I cannot believe that you just announced on National television that you think Christianity isn’t a religion. If this is really the case and you REALLY think it’s “just a philosophy”, I would be delighted to add your name to the list of concerned Americans who would like to see all the pretend churches lose their tax exempt status. After all, if it’s just a philosophy, why treat it as special case when profits are concerned? Why defend some bully’s “religious right” to harass homosexual classmates. And why cry “religious persecution” when you’re told that a publicly tax-funded park shouldn’t have Christian paraphernalia all over it? Well Bill, let me know.

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