I was browsing the meetup forum today in NYC Atheists and came across this gem. I do love a good sarcastic rant as much as anyone! 😀
There are two main hard and fast rules for anyone who would like to become an “atheist.” If you are tempted, beware. It’s not an easy thing to do.
The first rule is to ignore design in nature. You will see it everywhere; from the planets, to the atoms, to the birds and the bees, to the seasons, to the design of the human body, the design of fish, flowers, fruits, feet, and even fungus. And of course, the amazing-looking human eye. Everywhere you look and everywhere you can’t look, you will see design.
Now here’s the hard part. Ignore your God-given common sense. Admit that everything man made is man-made, but be uncompromisingly adamant that everything in nature came from nothing, with no Designer. Once you have set aside your acumen to do this, crown yourself as being intelligent. Very. Then find other atheists and they will confirm to you that you are indeed, intelligent.
The second rule is to “believe.” This is very important, because if you let doubt in, it will let in fear, and that can be a scary thing when the issue at stake is a place called “Hell.”
Believe that you are right in your beliefs. Believe that evolution is indeed true. Believe that it’s scientific. Believe that there are no missing links, and believe that Richard Dawkins knows what he is talking about.
Believe that you are an ape, that you are not morally responsible because apes have no moral absolutes. Believe that your conscience was given to you by your parents and society, and not by God (always use a small “g” for God, if possible).
To grow as an atheist, you will need to learn believers’ language–phrases like “There is no creation,” “Evolution is a proven fact,” and the powerful “Flying Spaghetti Monster.” Learn the fine art of cutting and pasting, and responding with “Straw man!” That means you won’t have to respond to anything challenging.
All this will give perceived intelligence. Never question evolution, and don’t think for yourself.
Do these things, and you will be able to call yourself an atheist, or even a “new” atheist. How cool is that! Well, I should say, as much of one as you can be called one. No one can be a true atheist because you need “absolute knowledge” to say that there is no God. So until you are omniscient (like God), you will just have to do with pretending to be one.
My reply to this trite underhanded little guide:
Or to put more elegantly:
All I did to “become atheist” was read the Bible.
I never saw “design in nature”. I saw chaos.
I got common sense from my mother and my friends and watching my own mistakes and those around me.
I am intelligent. NO crown necessary. Just decades of dedication to expanding my mind through education.
Hell is imaginary. What need have I for your personal imaginary place? You may as well speak of Tatooine.
Evolution is scientific and the best answer we have at the moment and no, there are no “missing links” any more than you not knowing who your great-great-great-great-great grandfather was disproves your existence or your bloodline.
I don’t need group-think or catchphrases to explain my beliefs. I have been an atheist flying solo far longer than I had even met others.
I question everything. Always have. And if evolution or natural selection or any other theories about the universe are modified or disproven with new data, I will take them in as part of my knowledge. For that is what I have INSTEAD of beliefs.
I am not an “ape” and neither are you. NO one actually claimed that humans WERE apes. Only theorized that we share a common ancestor. Much as Catholics and Protestants can claim the common prophet of Christ and yet still coexist over 2000 years later. Sharing a common past does not create an end in the chain, it is merely a split.
Look around you. Everywhere that you may see “design”, I see chaos, natural selection and evolution. And I have seen it despite an environment of Catholics, Baptists and Jewish family and friends. You may find comfort in convincing yourself that atheists are just “trendy” or “fitting in with the cool kids”. But you know in your heart that this is untrue.
I am an atheist because I am good and moral and loving and I never needed a fear of Hell to stay that way. I treat people with respect because it is how I like to be treated in return. No matter your path in life, I hope that you find room for more love in your life rather than all this backhanded hatred.
Good day. ❤
Perhaps I was too mushy and nice at the end. But I was raised to ‘kill them with kindness’.